Why Your Self Care Routine Isn't Working
Times are certainly stressful right now.
You've likely seen an endless scroll of inspirational quotes on Instagram or received an email from your boss emphasizing the importance of self care.
Maybe you've even tried a few strategies already, but still feel like it's not enough.
Not only might your current self care strategies not be enough, there might be more sneaky reasons why your self care feels like it isn't making a dent for you - reasons that we are most definitely going to talk about.
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If this sounds like you even a little bit, then you need to read on.
You Can't Self Care Your Way Out of a Bad System
I recently heard the following phrase for the first time, "If your job has an appreciation week, then you're not being paid enough."
I would also argue that the same idea holds true for appreciation months - think "Black History Month" and "Pride Month." People in these groups are up against historic systems of oppression and discrimination, and the hardships that they experience can't be fixed with a parade.
No matter how awesome the parade.
You might be feeling defeated in your self care routine, because you are still operating within a broken system.
A system that makes you feel ungrateful for asking for change or recognition more than a super cool T-shirt, but tangible meaningful progress like a pay raise or - dare I say it - equality.
Even though these are big obstacles, you can take a breath knowing that you are not the reason why your self care may not be enough in this situation. You can also keep up your self care routine, and speak up to advocate for changes in the system that would lead to better wellness and effectiveness for everyone.
If your employer sends out a survey about job satisfaction or asks how you like to be celebrated, take this opportunity to ask for changes in environment or opportunity that would really make a difference for you.
Maybe it's a small suggestion to begin with that makes your work environment a little bit better - switching out the buzzing bright overhead lighting for a table lamp, or advocating for a standing desk at your work space.
Maybe it's asking for different food options in the lounge instead of a vending machine full of basically Halloween candy and children's birthday party snacks.
Start thinking of ways that could break down current barriers to your wellness, so your self care routine doesn't have to do as much heavy lifting in the future.
You're Not Putting Your Self Care on the Calendar
If you try to do a sea kelp face mask after a 70-hour work week, it ain't going to work.
I know that, and you know that.
It can feel impossibly hard to start a self care routine when your brain and body are at such a deficit from overwork, but small steps are steps, and you can build a more consistent routine slowly.
If your tank is running below empty, it's going to take more than one or two moments of self care to bring you back to feeling full and refreshed.
So first, banish your defeatist mindset and know that you will start small, and build up a sustainable self care routine so you hopefully won't fall below empty again anytime soon (or better yet, like ever).
Start with packing yourself a nice lunch at least twice a week, set out your clothes the night before so your morning feels less rushed, put on a new podcast on the way to work, light a candle or put on music while you do the dishes, put your feet up with some tea at the end of your day - every day.
Self care does not have to be expensive or impossible to maintain.
It needs to be small things sprinkled throughout your every day that bring you joy and fill your cup consistently.
So, put it on the Gcal. (That’s Google Calendar for those of you who are not scheduling nerds like me).
You're Not Caring for the Right Needs
Taking a bubble bath won't help you if you eat like crap.
Take a few minutes and think about what you need. Really, really think.
Do you get headaches often? Do you feel constantly tired, like you are never truly alert? Do you struggle to recognize your worth, and have a hard time loving what the mirror is showing you?
Once you understand where you are feeling drained, you can start to add in self care that actually targets your areas of need. When you do that, you're more likely to feel your self care tasks "working."
Check out the following targeted self care ideas for inspiration.
Self care for your body: If you feel tired, tense, or struggle from frequent headaches, try focusing on supporting your body.
Things like stretching, yoga, getting a massage, or getting a better pillow to help sleep better are great places to start. Looking for more ideas here? Check out this article on the blog, Neck and Shoulder Tension: No Thank You, for ideas from a fellow muscle knot sufferer (it's me, surprise).
Self care for your mind: Did you know there's a such thing as "intellectual self care?"
Finding inspiration or learning knew things is healthy for your brain, and can spark new interests that you may have never discovered before. Try picking up a new book, listening to a new podcast or comedy special, or taking a deep dive into Spotify to find some new music that lights you up.
Self care for social connection: We all need connection, even for us introverts.
Make time to text, call, or video chat a friend or family member, grab dinner or a coffee after work with your favorite colleague, or just sit on your porch and wave to neighbors that walk by. Inserting yourself back into social time is a great way to uplevel your endorphins and boost feelings of connection.
Self care for your emotional and mental health: Our emotional and mental states are the foundation of our experiences.
If you feel crappy or are in a loop of negative thoughts, try talking to someone or making a point to slow your response time to a situation and really give yourself a chance to think before you respond. I often felt annoyed when others were late to meetings, and it only made me feel annoyed - my reaction only impacted me. So I sat with that and decided that I needed to let go and move forward without worrying or internalizing someone else's lateness.
If you're looking for more ideas to add to your self care routine, check out this article.
And finally.....
You Haven't Dealt with the Big Things
I think we can all agree that trying to resolve generational trauma with a cup of green tea is a losing battle.
Some things on our path are big things. And we need to treat them like big things, by addressing them with big strategies.
Regular therapy sessions - with a therapist you actually like - is one of the best ways to make forward steps out of heavy situations such as trauma, strained family relationships, - you name it.
Getting real about unhealthy relationships or patterns of behavior is a conversation you need to have with yourself too.
Setting boundaries is not always easy, but your wellness and sense of peace is your top priority. Check out this article on the blog, Setting Boundaries: How, Why, and What to Expect, for deeper insight into setting firm boundaries that let in only what you allow.
If you feel overwhelmed, or feel like self care is a band-aid in your life, then you are likely in need of bigger solutions.
Self care is part of the maintenance phase of change in life - it helps support your everyday wellness in response to life's stressors. But, self care is not an exclusive tool when dealing with the big stuff, though it is a great companion on your therapy journey.
So, there you have it.
Some real talk about self care - what it's good for, what it's not good for, and how you can design a more targeted and sustainable self care routine to keep your cup full.
Do you have any go-to self care strategies? Share the good ideas with us in the comments!
Yours in finding new ways to fill my cup,
Emily Rose // Miss Magnolia
Check Out these Related Posts
Setting Boundaries in Work and in Life - Setting boundaries can be overwhelming. Check out this post for tips for how to build and maintain healthy boundaries in a manageable way.
How to Protect your Peace - Notice where your energy is going and work to channel it in a way that is effective for you and those in your life.
Self Care: Where to Start and How to Maintain - Truth is, you are going to spend the time on yourself either way. You will either spend the time taking care of yourself when you are sick and rundown from life’s stressors, or put the work in up front, which is obviously way more fun.
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