Are You Resisting Your Real Self?

reflecting

If you found your way to this post, I can only assume that you like to hike the trail of self-improvement and growth, just like I do. Learning more and more about ourselves and using this knowledge to push ourselves to be better is a worthy journey. But I've hit a stumbling block, and maybe you've tripped over this same rock in the road: I have become so open to learning and bettering, that I am missing hard-stops, the things that are actually me, and don't require change.

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Let me explain a little further. I tend to work in a manner that I lovingly describe as "creative scatterbrain."

I accomplish many of the things I want to accomplish, but in an unorganized and on fire type of way. I work the tasks in order of inspiration, essentially.

I was talking to my business coach recently about feeling frustrated with my work habits - that I work during short spurts of time on tasks that I can complete in that time, instead of working a consistent side hustle work schedule.

But here's the thing: I've tried the consistent schedule, and I hate it.

I don't like mushing my side hustle into the same work style as my work-work requires.

So my coach asked me this: "If you are getting the work done and enjoying the time when you do work, why do you need to change it?"

So herein lies exactly what I'm trying to illustrate to you right now - there are things that are in need of change, and there are things that are not.

The things that are not in need of change may feel hard to accept at first - because it can be hard to accept ourselves. Our differences, our preferences, what we require to thrive.

But learning what makes you you is the key to living and working in a space of joy, rather than a space of frustration or guilt for why you aren't doing the thing like "everyone else."

So my creative work style is chaotic, but I am productive and I love it.

Tossing out the mental note of "I need to change to fit myself into strict work hours in order to be successful," is a weight I am happy to toss off a cliff. Goodbye self-imposed expectations!

We pick up and absorb a lot of these expectations and messages along the way, but only you get to determine what parts of you can be improved and what parts are locked-in youness.

Learning from the Greats to Trust Yourself and Your Own Guts

If you have been lucky enough to crack open and absorb the work of art that is "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle, then you are already familiar with this powerful anecdote.

Glennon describes a common scene in which a group of her child's friends, guys and girls, are hanging out at her house. She asks if anyone would like a snack, and then notes the following crazy and common scenario.

The boys look at her and respond immediately, often with "yeah, I could definitely go for some snacks." The girls do not respond right away, and instead look at the other girls in the room to read whether or not they themselves should ask for a snack.

The girls did not look inside to check in with their own body to see if they felt hunger - they sought the information from outside of themselves for what they themselves should do or say.

This is the exact scenario I am describing.

Just because you may be new to something - for me, that thing is entrepreneurship - doesn't mean someone else has all the answers for what is right for you.

Yes, learning from others is important. We cannot possibly know everything on our own by just looking inward through a lense of our own experience.

If we could, there would not be universities or books or internet videos that answer your question of "how to cook the perfect banana bread."

But you need to learn from you too.

How to Integrate Outside Learning and Keep Your Youness

The answer is to find the balance between what you can learn from others, and what you can learn from yourself. Weigh outside and inside information equally.

What value does this person's input or perspective have in my life? What do I value about my work routine, writing style, baking know-how that already works for me?

Check in with yourself and think about how you currently make decisions. Do you defer to others' decision making more than your own? How much weight would you like to give to outside input? How much weight would you like to give to your own input? Does this vary based on the decision you're trying to make? Is there really someone who would know the answer about this particular part of your life more than you? Why or why not?

The message that we don't know better is woven through our society.

When we're young, we're told that we can't possibly know better than adults, even when our guts are telling us we definitely know better. This teaches us to discount our gut, and it takes practice to rebuild this kind of gut-trust and learn to trust yourself.

Like, a lot of practice.

When we're in school, we're reminded that the teacher or professor or author of whatever textbook is the expert - but they are people with experiences and acquired knowledge, and you may have just had some very relevant experiences and knowledge too.

Respect what the outside world and the people in it can teach you, and fiercely value the power of your gut and your self.

Rely on each, and you'll always make the best decision for you.

Yours in practiced self-acceptance,

Emily Rose // Miss Magnolia

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