How to Meet Your Needs Without Being a Pufferfish

Back in February, I had a phone call with my business discernment coach, Marissa. We discussed my internalized ick related to business things from negotiating partnerships to marketing my first product.

Here’s what I mean by “ick:” I am coming into entrepreneurship with many preconceived feelings of what I don’t want to be or do and how I don’t want to be perceived.

I don’t want to feel ignorant or inferior for operating as a feeler instead of a number-cruncher.

I don’t want my marketing to be a hallow shell of me that only presents perfection or strict professionalism. I don’t want to feel stupid or silly or unprepared.

I don’t want to have surface level conversations soaked in overly polite how-do-you-do-I-don’t-really-care-let’s-get-to-its.

I do care and I do want holistic feeling and sensing and sharing partnerships.

So because I come to the table with a fear of the don’ts, I puff up.

I present a shell of smarts so that no one can see that I’m uncomfortable in the numbers talk. I avoid sharing my whole self at times for fear of seeming “unprofessional.”

I do all the things that I don’t want.

I become what I call a pufferfish, presenting a spiky exterior to preserve my squishy inside parts from emotional harm.

When I described this to my coach, she asked me something like this: “Why can’t you be real? Why can’t you engage with other business owners who also like to be soft? Why not?”

So I thought about it, and then I realized what was happening. I was trying to stuff myself in a tight vision of what a “business owner” was, and I was uncomfortable as hell in this box.

And since I am a business owner and I like squishy and transparent connection, then business owners can like squishy and transparent connection.

Breaking Out of Boxes

So now I’m posing this same question to you: Why not?

If you’re uncomfortable in the box you think you need to fit inside, why not nix those expectations and do what makes you comfortable? Why not work in your own preferred zone of genius? Why can’t you be authentic and honest and transparent in your personal and professional relationships?

Why can’t you ask for what you need without puffing up?

P.S. I highly recommend checking out our post about vulnerability to help distinguish between authenticity and oversharing.

Allow yourself the opportunity to be transparent and give yourself the chance to receive what you need.

The How-Tos

Take a minute and allow yourself to envision how you would want to have your needs met in an ideal world.

What types of people would you want to surround yourself with? Then, practice engaging in relationships and partnerships that make that vision a reality.

Maybe that means working only with transparent, honest, feeling business owners.

Maybe that means getting a therapist who is not afraid to share doses of his or her personal experiences or flawed thinking for some eye-opening two-way discussion in a session.

Maybe that means stepping away from relationships that make you constantly feel like you need to puff up - to yell, become distant, or cave into something that feels out of alignment for you.

Because, why not?

Even if you are the opposite of me and you are more comfortable in the numbers than the feeling and sensing aspects of business or relationships, how can you engage more with those who reciprocate your preferred communication style?

Growth Versus Honoring the Self

In our previous post, Are you Resisting Your Real Self? we discuss how stretching yourself and growing is important, but that some things may not be in need of change - the things that are actually you.

For example, you can try to wake up earlier to be more productive in the mornings, but if you are deep down a “night person,” and are most creative or active in the evening, then maybe resisting this truth is futile.

The same is true here: whatever is authentically and beautifully you can stay and be cultivated.

Life will still always require you to step out of your comfort zone from time to time, but you can still live in your comfort zone and think of venturing outside of it to rack of growth experiences like a vacation.

If you are constantly doing things or putting yourself in situations that feel out of alignment for you, it’s no wonder you feel exhausted, defeated, or like you need to rely on puffing up to be understood or heard in a given space.

Honor your zones of genius and comfort and seek experiences that fit within those for your day-to-day life.

The vacations for growth are extra.

Think of it this way: If you were on vacation for the majority of the time (traveling outside your comfort zone or zone of genius), you will at some point grow tired or cranky or puff up because you are ready to go home. To go back to your own fridge, sweatpants, bed, couch, routine, whatever it may be.

Vacations are great. You get to learn and try new things and can return home with a new respect for what you have - what makes you you.

So, aim to balance what makes you you with what makes you feel stretched.

See what happens when you align your preferences (like your squishy, sensing self) with everything you engage in.

Because why not?

Yours in avoiding the pufferfish moments,

Emily Rose // Miss Magnolia

Check Out these Related Posts

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Resolutions and Striving toward “Arrived,” Whatever That Means - There is no such thing as “arrived.” Goals are important things for us to strive toward, but there will always be things to work on and that is a beautiful thing.
How to Distill the Complicated like a Five Year-Old - Kids have a way of saying it like it is. Here’s how to channel your “kindergarten speak” to name the heart of the problem, then work on it.

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