How to Do What You Can, then Not Care
Have you ever felt burnt out or overwhelmed by big problems? Do you need a break or permission to be human?
Here’s a quick story for you about my early career in school psychology, and how it shaped me to be the caring and uncaring professional that I am proud to be today.
I once attended a professional development session with a room full of fellow school psychologists who were talking about the stress from a lack of resources, the impact of trauma on students’ learning, the heavy paperwork load that limited our role to that of compliance typing machines instead of true helpers.
After hearing several accounts, the presenter asked how exactly we cope with all of these heavy pervasive stressors. One man raised his hand and stood up, then shared this: “I do what I can, then I don’t care.”
The responses from the audience included everything from relieved and knowing laughter, grimaces and disgust, to just plain shock.
I’ll admit, my first reaction was disgust. The suggestion that we simply stop caring about big problems sounded callous and unfit for a person in a helping profession.
Then as he explained his reasoning, my reaction softened into gratitude, appreciation, and relief.
If we take on all the big problems and stack them onto our shoulders to carry around with us each day, then we will be no good at our jobs and definitely won’t be solving any of them.
A mentor of mine while I was in grad school echoed this sentiment: The goal is to do what you can in the 8 hours a day that you have. We have little control over a student’s home life and limited available resources. So we serve like hell while we’re at work, then unburden ourselves from the rest when we leave each day.
As I’ve said before, there is simply no way to be an effective helper if we embody the problems of the world.
Take a few minutes to reflect on your current outlook on the world.
How do you feel like you’re balancing your work load with your expectations? Does helping in some way feel like enough, or do you feel like your efforts are fruitless if you don’t dismantle pervasive systems completely?
You are one person, and your efforts in creating positive impact on the lives of others and the world as a whole are beyond valuable.
But if this doesn’t feel like enough, ask yourself - what will?
Inhale understanding and appreciation for your human efforts and their limits and exhale to let go of the expectation that you can fix it all.
Plant the seeds anyway, my friend. Things may grow down the road even if you aren’t able to witness the growth.
Plant the seeds.
Do what you can, then don’t care.
Yours in pruning energy and expectations,
Emily Rose // Miss Magnolia
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Affirmators! A Journal to Help you Help Yourself - Without the Self-Helpy-Ness! by Suzi Barrett