Make it a Thing: How to Spend More Time in Joy
We’ve all done it. We’ve all said, “That’s okay, we don’t really need to make it a thing” when something good happens or we hit a milestone in our lives.
Think: When your mom suggests booking the party room at your favorite restaurant on your graduation day for a brunch with the family and all your closest friends. Or when you start a new job and your boyfriend wants to take you out for a celebratory dinner. (Anyone else’s celebrations revolve exclusively around food, or is this just me?)
It can feel uncomfortable or self-centered or vain or any other stuck emotion to draw attention to ourselves and make a point to celebrate.
Yet, it’s commonplace to make things a thing when it surrounds something sad or challenging. We need our people to come together around us in times of struggle.
If we want more joy in our lives, we need to get comfy making good things a thing too.
What I’ve Learned From Allowing Things to Be a Thing
When I was in school, my mom used to put thoughtful handwritten notes in my lunchbox on regular days and she went all out - stickers and everything - on special days, like that time I had to give a book report and dress as my favorite character.
She would bring a tray of my favorite cereal, Captain Crunch Crunchberries, into my room on my birthday for a breakfast in bed complete with a peeled clementine with a candle stuck in it.
My stepmom sends a care package for every occasion. It’s the first day of the spring semester? Here comes a bouquet of tulips for your dorm! You started a blog? Here’s a customized stationary set with your logo and a ring light to make you official (not kidding, she is my honorary director of marketing and pep talks).
When I was younger, I really disliked being the center of attention, or feeling like I was causing anybody any inconvenience for taking time to recognize me.
But as the affirmations and celebrating of things kept coming, I decided the hype-women in my life have it right: We should be celebrating every little milestone and make good things a thing.
I learned that joy was often manufactured and curated by these same women. The baked oatmeal and quiches on Christmas morning, the dress-up tea party for my 7th birthday, the bouquets and hugs after my first orchestra concert.
I remember these good things, because someone took the time to bring life to them so they stood out and shined brighter in my memory.
Most recently, I finished my 200-hour yoga teacher training. I had been working through the training for several months, and it culminated in my first ever community class. A.K.A. a class where I would be teaching actual students, and not just my co-teachers in training, so it was official - I was about to be a yoga teacher.
My mom asked me if she could come, and I told her over the phone, “There’s no need to make the drive! I will teach lots of classes so don’t feel obligated, you really don’t have to make it a thing.”
But my mom didn’t feel obligated, she felt excited for me. During our phone call she said that it made sense that she would hang back and not make the 2 hour drive for a 1 hour class.
Then she called me the next morning, and said, “Emily, I’d like to come to your yoga class.” And I said, “That sounds amazing.”
So my mom drove in a few hours before my class. Then, she unrolled her mat in the front row to watch me make the transition from student to teacher.
As I taught the class, I looked around the room and saw my mom to my left, my boyfriend to my right, my best friend just behind him, and a fellow teacher trainee in the center. All of these people decided this was an important moment, and wanted to share it with me.
When the class was over, I introduced my mom to my friends in the class, and she got to watch me mingle with other attendees. Then we picked up some incredible takeout and drank some good beer on the couch while she, bae, and I enjoyed the milestone together.
Each of these people helped to make my thing a thing, and I let them, and we enjoyed the joy together.
Unpacking Discomfort - Why It’s Hard to Be Celebrated
This one is a doozy. Why does it feel so cringey sometimes to accept celebration or affirmation?
Take a second to dive inward.
What might make you feel hesitant to make a thing a thing? Where does that hangup come from? If this same good thing happened to a friend would you want to make their thing a thing?
The answer to this one is different for everyone.
Maybe this discomfort in being celebrated is rooted in a sense of being easy going - of doing your best not to have needs so as not to be a burden.
Or maybe it’s rooted in a double dose of imposter syndrome - of feeling like you somehow don’t deserve the accolade or milestone at all.
Whatever it is for you, dig further.
Lift every thought that comes up to the light, set it aside, then pick up the next one and repeat until you feel like you’ve reached your answer.
Then take a second to think of how you’d like your life to look.
In your movie reel of a life, what do you see? What do you want to see? How can you spend time cultivating the things you want to spend more time doing?
Maybe you take the time to absorb a compliment the next time one comes your way, instead of brushing if off or qualifying it in some way.
Maybe while you work through your discomfort in being celebrated, you make a thing a thing for someone else.
Recently one of my close friends found out she was pregnant, so another friend and I spent an afternoon baking cookies and shopping for a sundress to send a secret care package to her in a neighboring state.
We chatted and frosted and spent time reflecting on our friendships and the changing landscape of our lives, and how we could not wait to have picnics and zoo trips and ladycations together.
So dip your toe in the water and find a way to spend some time in joy, even if it’s for someone else while you cultivate your comfort in being celebrated.
We as humans are each a multi-layered cake of personality, upbringing, internalized societal expectations, and ideas of who we are and who we’d like to be. We have varying comfort levels with vulnerability, and varying degrees of understanding of our own cake layers.
Here is what I know: Some layers of cake are delicious, and some layers I would like to spit into my napkin discretely and immediately after tasting.
But every celebration of a thing has cake, so bring it.
Bring you.
Show up and spend time on the good things just as much as you show up and spend time on the bad things.
May your life be a thing you celebrate.
Yours in layers of love,
Emily Rose // Miss Magnolia
Check Out these Related Posts
Presence: How to Be Where You Actually Are - Presence takes practice. Let’s work on it together and be present for our real actual lives.
Comparison Chatter Keeps you Stuck - How to quiet the part of your brain that obsesses over “shoulds,” and find the answers within yourself.
Thoughtful Gift Giving for Connection - Consumerism sucks and gifting can sometimes feel obligatory instead of joyful. Here are some ideas to change that and give from the heart.
Grab the Guided Journal
If you are looking for more brain-bending questions and inspirational anecdotes, get yourself a copy of Write it to Right it: The Guided Journal for Serious People with Scattered Brainthoughts. You can also download a sneak peak of chapter 3 by entering your email in the footer below. Happy journaling!
Recommended Reads
Chasing the Bright Side by Jess Ekstrom