Am I Wearing Pants? How to Ditch the Runaround and Be a Participant in Your Actual Life
When I was a college student, there were many things I had to balance on my plate simultaneously.
Remember to call the bursar department about that weird charge on my account.
Get to the laundry room by 8:00AM to make sure one of the good washers is open.
Re-read that chapter in my neuroscience textbook because I definitely did not understand it the first time.
Hurry up and decide which club to join because the first 6 weeks of the semester are almost up, and everyone says this is the critical social involvement time after which there’s almost no hope you will make any friends.
Call mom back because it’s been two and a half days and she’s going to think you’re dead.
My to-do list was long and my brain was at capacity. I flitted from scheduled thing to scheduled thing so quickly, that I didn’t really feel accomplished or present for any of it.
One day in the middle of this to-do list tornado, I was walking to the dining hall two buildings down the block, when I suddenly had a wave of panic rush over me that caused me to yelp and look down while I thought, “Holy s*%!, am I wearing pants?!”
I was, thankfully, wearing pants.
But I was also wearing slippers instead of real shoes, so we were still not at a 100% win.
I was absolutely still relieved as you can imagine, because you can’t get arrested for wearing slippers to the dining hall, but you can probably get arrested for not wearing pants.
This same feeling hit me multiple times in college and grad school. Times when I was juggling way too many things and enjoying almost none of them.
I would be living very much in my head, checking off things on my mental to-do list rushing from one task to the next, and suddenly look down in a panic to make sure I was wearing pants.
An essential that in my brain tornado, I almost missed.
Whether or not you’ve had this exact same experience, you’ve likely experienced the to-do list tornado that yanks you from the present moment while you tirelessly do, then hit a moment of panic.
Your “Holy s%! am I wearing pants?!” might be, “Holy s%^# did I turn off the oven?!” “Did I put my favorite blouse in the dryer?!” “Wait, is today Wednesday?!”
That rubber band snap back into reality is a sharp pang that makes us question our very sanity.
You are sane, you are probably wearing pants, but you are definitely not present in your real actual life.
To-Do Lists and Need-To-Do Lists
I am an enneagram 7, an ESFJ, and an anxious thinker, feeler, and doer.
I have always felt way more comfortable living in my head, reading and writing, daydreaming out the bus window, listening to my walkman or MP3 while walking to class instead of engaging with those around me.
But with each “Holy s&%!” moment, I am reminded how little I prioritize being in my body and participating in my real life outside of my to-do lists.
It feels so good to me to get things done, but if I arrive at the end of my week with a clenched jaw and a complete to-do list, I don’t feel like a winner at all.
Instead of having a running task list of things I’d like to get done, I make a weekly list of things I plan to do and I include the participating-in-life and self care things.
I do the things that need done each week, like buying dog food, writing the script for an upcoming yoga class, video chatting my family. and making my next chiropractor appointment.
Then I have a section at the bottom of things I’d like to do, and these roll over from week to week until I decide that I have available time to do them.
If I let myself operate with an endless to-do list that prioritizes all things as needing-done-right-now-things, then I’d be setting myself up for no-pants panic.
And that is simply no way to be.
Free Time Versus Available Time
Let me be clear: having things on your to-do list that can roll over from week to week is not the same thing as procrastinating. And if it feels like you’re procrastinating instead of self-caring and prioritizing presence, you’ll know.
Free time is unscheduled time on our calendars, but it does not necessarily mean we are “free.”
Available time is the time we are “free.” When we are available to all the things calling for our attention, like our to-do lists.
Free time is the time you have to be in your life.
To go on walks with your dog through a new neighborhood.
Make a stop at your favorite coffee shop.
Sit down for three hours of Netflixing
Practice that new knitting stitch you’ve been wanting to learn.
The more we distinguish between free time and available time, the less likely we are to run ourselves ragged and forget to put on pants.
Another upside to making this distinction between “like to do” and “need to do” is we find that some tasks just don’t need doing.
For an example, I think I can speak for most millennials when I say ironing is not a thing we need to do.
Take a look at your to-do list right now. What is one thing that you can scratch off right now? Is it a societal expectation, or have you just always done that thing?
Nest up: delegate! If there are too many true “need-to-do” tasks than you as one human person can do in a week, you need backup. If backup is not available, scratch things off yourself.
Do you need to be super mom and volunteer to bake cookies for the 100th day of school celebration? Take it back to basics. Are you feeding your kids? Great, you’re an awesome mom.
Sure, we all want to feel accomplished and do it all, but not at the expense of our presence and definitely not at the expense of our mental and physical health.
So get real with your list.
Sit and feel what comes up when you attempt to do less.
And don’t forget to put on pants.
Yours in Stepping Away from the Brain Tornado,
Emily Rose // Miss Magnolia
Check Out These Related Posts
Presence Takes Practice: How to Be Where You Actually Are - It is easy to run from one thing on our to-do list to another and it can be uncomfortable to be still. But, you can do it with practice!
Resolutions and Striving Toward “Arrived” - There is no such thing as “arrived.” Goals are important things for us to strive toward, but there will always be things to work on and that is a beautiful thing.
How to Manage Anxiety - Find ways to manage your anxiety in your daily routine, sleep routine, and in the moments when anxiety or panic sets in.
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