I vacuumed and Rooba’d, but the dark vinyl floors in the apartment still look dirty. I wished they would have consulted me on flooring options back in 2016 when they constructed this building and I had no idea I was going to one day live here, obviously.

I want to understand more about how to plan for retirement, but I do not want you to give me advice because then I will feel stupid and also I don’t like your tone (any tone).

I want you to know that I’m in a bad mood and to pamper me extra nice, but I also want you to ignore the bad mood and convince both me and yourself that I am both “laid back” and “chill” at all times.

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