How to Be One Authentic Person

If you are anything like me, you may feel inauthentic in changing or adjusting yourself to "fit" better in different environments.

Sitting in a job interview in the blazer you wear twice a year while expending immense energy to focus on your posture and recalling prepared responses to predictable questions can feel downright painful.

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If that imagery doesn't do it for you, think of who you are on Facebook versus who you are on Twitter. Or who you are when you are with your high school friends versus when you're interacting with the cashier at Panera.

I'm not saying disregard making a good impression, or toss out being polite. I just want to be one authentic person in all the rooms and spaces that I show up in, and I want that for you too!

I'm a school psychologist with a lifestyle blog. I'm a yogi who believes cursing is catharsis defined. I have 3 degrees and just as many tattoos.

And I am all of these things in all places.

If you are a human being on planet Earth, or more specifically a human female, you have likely experienced this exact exhaustion. It comes from stuffing yourself into too-tiny boxes or shelving the most colorful parts of your personality to "fit" into a space.

And it stinks.

Definitely don't disregard the importance of a first impression, or general politeness. But do consider how you can integrate all of you in all spaces.

I have found it much easier to stave off burnout or a nagging resistance in going to certain places, by sitting with my warring feelings and deciding to integrate all of the ways I was showing up differently.

My social media self, my work self, my self with pervasive prickly anxiety, my self with fuzzy curly hair, my self without a poker face.

We joined forces and show up as one unit, and I'm telling you it's so much easier to breathe.

How do You Integrate Your Separate Selves?

It can be challenging to step into self awareness and reflect on all the ways you may show up differently in different spaces, especially if you have been doing so on auto-pilot.

Recognizing how you may be showing up differently in various corners of your world is a great step one.

Do you talk differently or dress differently when you go to work then to a family gathering?

To some extent, we do need to add a layer of professionalism to our work selves. However, I would argue that authenticity brings about much better results than putting on an unmoving professional front.

People can tell when you are being authentic, and when you are trying to work within strict professional parameters.

For example, as a school psychologist I'm telling you the unfiltered truth when I say that a parent is much more likely to respond with questions or offer insights in a meeting when I structure it as a conversation, than if I were to lay the foundation of super important professional talking in high level acronyms.

I'm just me, in all spaces.

Which parts of yourself do you want to show up more often?

Which parts are not serving you, and you are considering phasing out?

I can tell you that my eye rolling can certainly be phased out in all spaces.

And cursing, I definitely could reduce the cursing.

Small Steps Toward Living as One Authentic Person

If you feel stuck in expectations to show up differently in different spaces ask yourself the following: Is this a self-imposed belief? Has someone specifically told you that you need to show up a certain way? Is what that person said a fact, or their opinion? What would it feel like to show up in all spaces as just...you?

This is a big undertaking - I mean, that's four weighty questions to consider right out of the gate!

Let's break it down into smaller ideas, and see how that feels:

What does professionalism mean to you?

Maybe you can relate - the idea of being "professional" to me conjures up images of people in suits with perfect hair and makeup, carrying briefcases, and skipping lunch to squeeze in another meeting.

I 100% reject this idea.

Professional me wears floral blouses, enforces a lunch break, and runs collaborative meetings that take as long as they gosh darn need to.

What about you?

How do you want to show up on social media?

For many of us, this may not even be something we ever considered. We just scroll through the platforms, like photos, and post our own photos without often considering how we want to show up.

Social media can be a tool for connection, or it can be a time suck of mindless scrolling and yelling into a void.

Do you feel like your social profiles reflect you? What could you adjust to make them feel more consistent and authentically you? How can you use social media, instead of participating without a real purpose in mind?

Do you feel refreshed when you see friends, or drained?

It's easy to thoughtlessly respond to "How are you?" with "I'm good."

But are you good?

Are there things you would love to talk with your very best friends about? What is stopping you? Do you carry the thought that you want to keep social time happy, and not burden anyone with deeper conversation? Do you enjoy unprovoking conversation more than sincerity? That was rhetorical, of course you don't!

Chances are, if your friends are real friends, they want to hear about the real you.

So practice showing up as her, and see how that feels! Do you feel relieved? Vulnerable?

Is vulnerability intolerable, or a door opening into something better than "How are you?" "I'm good?"

How are you showing up in your relationship?

Do you feel stressed around your partner or relaxed? If you feel stressed, is it because of something lacking in your relationship, or something you perceive as lacking based on what other people deem necessary?

Do you feel fulfilled when you're alone?

If not, how can you meet your needs so that you can be a whole half of your relationship?

I find that I am much more relaxed and happy in any relationship or friendship when I have taken care of myself first. If I'm exhausted because I've been neglecting my self care, I'm going to be less satisfied in any relationship.

Plain and simple.

Who is You?

In summary, you need to know who is you.

What does this person value, what are their goals, which societal messages do they want to reject, and what behavior will they tolerate? (I know that "they" is grammatically incorrect, but it's inclusively correct so "we" (me) are going to say "they.")

You have all of the ability to say no thank you and yes please to all areas of your life.

I hope you get creative with integrating and designing the one authentic person that you'd like to be in all spaces. You might even inspire others along the way!

Yours unapologetically,

Emily Rose // Miss Magnolia

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