Creative Ways to Say No + Free Cheatsheet
Saying no to something can be hard, but it’s also incredibly important.
It can be difficult to start saying no for many reasons.
Maybe you have spent much of your life as a helper or people pleaser, saying yes out of a sense of obligation.
Or, maybe you grew up around others who said yes more than they said no (if they said no at all).
Being helpful is a great thing, but saying yes because you feel like you “should” or feel like it’s “just easier to do the thing than to fight about it” can have consequences too.
When we ignore what our insides are telling us (thoughts like, “I’m too tired to take on another task,” “I’m not really comfortable with _,” or “Why do they always ask me when my plate is so full?”), we start to experience things like resentment, disconnection from or denial of our own needs, and even full-fledged burnout.
The Importance of Saying No
It can be uncomfortable (often super uncomfortable) to move from saying yes all the time to practicing saying no, but here is why it’s important to start.
When you start saying no when you want to, you begin to build and trial boundaries that are more supportive of your health and wellbeing.
You role model boundaries for others, even unknowingly, who may then feel more capable of building boundaries in their own lives.
You teach the people in your life that you are not an endless well of “yes,” and you start to shift the expectations from “I can and will do it all” to “the load is meant to be shared and we are all equally capable.”
Why Saying No is so Hard
It seems that one of the biggest reasons saying “no” can feel so difficult, is just plain guilt.
We may feel like because we said yes once (or multiple times), that we are obligated to keep doing so because the other person now relies on us.
Or maybe someone always does _ for you, so you feel like to have to or should do _ for them, too.
But I’d like to offer a reframe here:
What if the person who has always done something for you feels like they can’t jump off the hamster wheel that they built and you saying no would actually do them the greatest favor?
And don’t forget about societal expectations!
The trickiest bit to untangle yet. For women, saying no feels even more difficult because we have been conditioned to be compliant, of service, and just plain grateful for any opportunities that come our way.
Think: “Diane, can you take notes for today’s meeting?” when there are 8 other sets of male hands that are equally capable of balancing the listening thing and the typing thing for the group.
We can’t know where other people are at in their journeys to saying no, but we can start showing up and responding to life only in the ways we want to right now regardless.
How to Start Saying No
If you are looking to take some stacks of tasks off your plate and start saying no, you can always start small.
If you are Diane in our previous example, you might start by saying something like, “Thank you for recognizing my competence at note-taking. However, I took notes on behalf of the team last week and I would like to participate more fully in today’s meeting.”
AKA: No, thank you!
If you are a mom whose child’s soccer team is “gently recommending” that parents bring a homemade snack for the team when it’s their turn, you might swing by your local Kroger for some Dunkaroos and call it a day.
Guilt doesn’t have a home here and a snack is a snack.
How to Say No in All Places: At Work and with Family
It’s no secret that we are asked to do things in all aspects of our lives.
Your mom might ask you to pick up lemon pie filling on the way to Thanksgiving because her lemon pie filling wasn’t lemony enough, even though you told her that you are bringing dessert this year.
Your coworker might imply that by you showing up on time instead of early each day, that you don’t prioritize the team. It’s okay to say no to “above and beyond” expectations and just plain meet them. After all, that’s what you get paid to do.
The lady at your garage sale might ask for change, even though the sign on your lawn says you cannot offer change because coins no longer readily exist in America for some weird reason. You can kindly offer to hold the item for her while she goes and gets exact change and not accept less just because she walked to a garage sale with only a hundred dollar bill.
It’s hard to say no to family, it’s hard to say no at work, and it’s even hard to say no to strangers at your garage sale.
To help get your creative “no” brain working, here are a few blanket statements to try:
“I understand that this feels very important to you, but I am not able to take this on right now.”
“If I add this task to my current workload, I will not meet the timeline we discussed. How would you like me to reprioritize?”
“I’m not taking notes again, Kevin. Geeze.”
If you’re looking for more ideas, here is a free two-page cheat sheet to have in your back pocket when you need it.
You got this!
Yours in practicing “no,”
Emily Rose // Miss Magnolia
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