Healthy Habits and the Raging Mob Inside Me
I have been wanting to read Atomic Habits by James Clear basically since it came out, or since I heard of it, which has been give or take two years.
Despite my wanting to read it, frequently saying “Oh, yeah! I’ve been wanting to read that book,” every time a friend brought it up, I didn’t read it until opening it last week. And by “opening,” I mean opening the app on my phone where I read library books in tiny print for free.
Reading a book on my phone is, of course, not as good as a real book, or as reading on an E-reader, which I could totally do, but I won’t, because don’t want to purchase one (there’s the hassle of researching all the options, then after purchasing, deciding a different one was probably better, then also feeling guilty for buying something on which to read my free books), yet I still get to read the words and tumble dry them on low in my head until I move on to the next book in the queue.
I am not sure why I put off reading this book for so long, since I have been in a constant state of self-improvement for my whole life, and all. I have had so many books I’ve wanted to read these last few years, that it’s possible it just went to the bottom of the pile in my brain because there were other books that called my name louder or were in my preferred genre (memoir by a female author, preferably both tragic and comedic. I like what I like).
Maybe I didn’t want to know what I was doing wrong, to have it all pointed out when I have had such difficulty keeping my self loathing balanced high on a shelf so it doesn’t slide down and hit me in the face when I reach for something else, like confidence to the left of the candor. But when I saw it while scrolling popular Nonfiction reads on my library’s app, I decided to click “hold” and wait the 30 days until the person or persons ahead of me returned it to the cloud queue.
I got an alert that the book was available earlier than scheduled. Maybe someone or someones ahead of me perused it and decided, no thanks!
I have read about half of the book so far and let me just say, yikes.
Yikes as in, everything he notes is so simple, so thoroughly researched and proven, that it makes me feel a little bit like a failure that I didn’t figure it all out on my own? He boils down all the wisdoms we have ever heard that, turns out, are true. Ahem:
If you want to develop a writing habit, write in the same place and time each day. Eventually, once you approach your desk at 6am and put your headphones on, your brain will recognize this prompt and be in the zone.
If you tend to overload on sugar in the evenings or after a bad day and feel like shit afterward, don’t keep any in the house.
If you want to workout after work, put your gym bag together the night before and stick it in a place so obvious that you nearly trip on it when you walk through the door.
If you really hate mowing the lawn, but really love watching Selling Sunset, only allow yourself to watch this show after you mow the lawn. Under no other circumstance will you watch these barbies sell million-dollar mansions to tech bros or cousins of vague celebrities. Only after you smell like fresh allergens and sweat will you be allowed to sit down and hit play.
I don’t know why I feel such resistance to routine, except for yes I do, because James Clear talks about this exact reasoning in the first few chapters. He says that some people feel resistant to routine because they don’t want their days to be so structured and predictable that their lives become boring (It's me).
But he also says that people who stick to a routine of good habits have more freedom, because they don’t have to expend the mental energy every single day to decide when they are doing which things and for how long. They have so much more free time to do whatever they want, because they don’t have to enter mental negotiations on how to do the things every minute of every day. They do the essentials on autopilot.
I knew this, but having it laid out so clearly made me feel as though I am not my own unique and quirky individual, but I am one single goldfish in an already-identified category of dumb dumbs. It’s as if researchers in some far off conference room were listening to my protestimonial (protest + testimonial. AKA “here’s why I do the things I do, now let me be!”) while nodding their heads and jotting excitedly on their clipboards.
I am not original. I'm the person who makes excuse numbers 1-4 in the book, just like probably millions of other people who have previously chucked this book at the wall (but not me, because I am reasonable and also the book is my phone and my phone tells me how to get to the post office and back, so I need her).
Here’s the thing, I want help to make better habits, have more free mental space, make movement toward my goals in life, see real change and have it feel like no big deal to keep it all going. I wanted to read this book, I essentially asked him to give me his sage advice straight to my eyeballs!
But be that as it may, I can’t completely shake this annoyed feeling as though too much is being asked of me. I want to form a new habit of going to the gym routinely, but I also don’t like the implication that it’s easy - just start! Then just keep doing it! Over and over without accounting for the weather or the fluctuating demand of your job or your home renovation or all the meals you need to plan and purchase and cook!
What I mean is, how optimal can we be if our lives are not lived on paper (you might have time every day to go to the gym), but are lived in a centrifuge of crazy that is the world in 2023? Can I just get a little bit of understanding for real life?
I am not Michael Phelps. I am not training for the Olympics. I am just trying to reduce my risk of stroke and have some inkling of a bicep in each of my stickperson arms.
I think maybe I’m too annoyed at the suggestion that I am the problem and I really want to read a book about how to care about going to the gym when historic wildfires are burning in neighboring towns and women’s healthcare is an oxymoron? I think maybe I am not the best candidate for optimizing one’s daily habits, because I do plenty of good-enough things and I don’t want to be told how I can do five to thirty things better, even if I asked you to tell me.
Make no mistake, I will finish this book. I like this book. It is interesting and informative and has so many practical recommendations I could try right now, for free, to make my life better.
But I still plan to rage a bit more about how obnoxious it is that adulthood basically means the following:
Master all these complex tasks you were never explicitly or comprehensively taught how to do, without fail, forever.
Do your taxes and choose an insurance plan and keep your house clean and shop for a dress for that friend’s wedding and invest in stock somehow, but not like that.
Get an oil change after however many miles you are supposed to get an oil change and not a moment too soon, you frivolous fiend, or too late, you careless car hater.
Go vote, but not before you develop an understanding of the issues that are written in basically Latin and you can’t ask Google for help because the Russians are apparently writing the articles that you need and so you are fucked.
Go to the gym and know what to do there and be unbothered by others, even if they are not wearing shoes (this will happen).
Eat healthy and organic because pesticides are bad even though we still use them because, capitalism.
Socialize because it will make you live longer although now that you mention it, who wants that?
Volunteer, you selfish twat.
Go vegetarian for the planet but don’t forget to take iron supplements or your HAIR WILL FALL OUT (Ask me how I know. Actually, don’t. I don’t want to talk about it).
Lay off the caffeine but also get everything done during your working hours lest you risk not masterfully balancing your work and your life.
Breathe.
Curate your gut biome into a who’s-who of good - preferably, the best! - bacteria.
Don’t buy the peanut butter with palm oil because it is bad for the environment - you have to get the kind that you need to stir in order to abstain from being an unknowing aid to deforestation and also to help you stay humble.
…Or whatever.
So, I’ll try to habit-stack and manage my cues and withhold rewarding myself until I’ve done a thing that’s good for me that I didn’t wanna do, but I am gonna be a little bit mad about it.
Hopefully I’ll be a little bit mad, but with enviable biceps. Thanks in no small part to James Clear.
Grumpily Yours,
Emily Rose // Miss Magnolia
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