Your First Reaction Doesn't Have to Be Your Truth

We all have “knee-jerk” reactions to things based on a combination of our upbringing, exposure to new and different things, and personal histories.

The question is, is this initial reaction to something always our truth?

I’d say that many times, it’s not.

Our lizard brain, or the cutesy name for the systems that evolved first in early humans, is designed for basic functions like observe threat and react to threat.

As the frontal lobe began to develop, we humans started to have access to higher level thinking such as metacognition, or to put it simply, “thinking about thinking.”

We can now have a reaction to something, then notice that reaction and consider whether or not to act on our first instinct and view it as truth or whether we may want to dig a little deeper.

This sentience lag time is what makes a modern you and me.

Example Time!

Consider this example in today’s world: You see someone you perceive to be beautiful and your initial reaction is a sinking feeling in your stomach and the thought, “I suck.”

To break this example down, you saw someone you perceived to be better than you in some way, felt threatened, then felt bad about your own self, and “I suck” was your brain’s way of making meaning out of the flood of emotions you felt.

But just because you had this knee-jerk “involuntary” reaction, doesn’t mean the truth is that you do indeed suck.

With practice, we can tap into our frontal lobe thinking and challenge these reactions.

Practiced awareness or questioning our knee-jerk reactions might sound something like this: “Wow, I felt really negatively about myself when I saw that person. I think I need to prioritize building my self esteem since that person’s value has really no bearing on my value, but that was the first story that I told myself.”

Caution: Initial Reactions at Play

My initial instinct or reaction when I think about being a small business owner is often a whole host of negative thought debris floating around in my brain.

It sounds like this: “I’m not educated enough. I should act more seriously in order to fit the ‘business person’ persona. I will mess up the financials in my business because I’m bad at math. When things are easy it means I’m not doing something right.”

If I were to allow these “instincts” to take root, I would sink. Fast.

Unpacking the Knee-Jerk Reactions to Find Your Real Knowing

I love surrounding myself with stories from others. It is my antidote for a stuck headspace and helps me feel connected back to my real and knowing self.

It’s also the reason why I started the blog and published the Write it to Right it Journal - I found immense healing in hearing others’ stories and wanted to offer that to someone else.

One of the women whose story and message I love listening to is Faith Mariah, founder of the Radical Transformation Project, business coach, and podcaster.

Faith shares this powerful message over and over on her podcast: Everything is neutral.

Everything is neutral until you add meaning to it, until you decide what your truth is and let that stick. So since everything is neutral, why not work to add meaning that serves you positively instead of making you feel stuck or negative?

I get it, it’s definitely easier said than done, but even thought it is hard it can still be done!

Let’s put it this way, I could keep repeating those knee-jerk reactions about being a business owner to myself over and over until they became my accidentally engrained truth.

Or I could tell myself that every business owner is different, that there is no single “right” way, that I can be honest and silly and real and still take myself seriously, that I can learn financials just as well as any other first timer, and that things can be easy and wildly impactful at the same time.

So if everything is neutral (I am a business owner, it’s just a fact), why can’t I make that mean whatever I want it to mean, despite my initial reaction?

Why can’t you walk past someone you perceive to be show-stoppingly beautiful and say to yourself, “Wow, that person is beautiful,” and make it mean absolutely nothing about you?

Why can’t you allow yourself to start a new hobby and allow yourself to spend time in learning instead of critiquing whether or not the project you started is “good” or “bad?”

The person who gets to decide what your life means, what messages you allow to be your knee-jerk first reactions and what you absorb and embody as truth, is you.

How to Move from Knee-Jerk Reaction to Truth

Observe

First, just observe your reactions.

Allow yourself to have the initial reactions to whatever it may be, then observe them before accepting them as truth.

Our initial reactions are influenced by so many things from the environment we grew up in to societal messages to our mood on any given day. But your truth is something you get to decide.

Question

So you had a thought or an emotion pop up into your brainspace - it’s time to ask yourself some questions.

Was that thought or feeling really the truth or was it a response that you don’t truly “believe,” but was the most engrained or loudest response?

If a friend recounted this same experience to you, would you tell them this reaction was likely the truth?

Taking a moment to thoughtfully reflect on why we reacted the way we did in our brain and body can give us some valuable insight into whether or not it was truly the truth.

If it’s not the truth, then we get to start telling ourselves what probably actually is the truth.

Retell

What is my actual truth in this situation now that I am taking time to think about it?

Tell that truth to yourself on repeat until it settles in and replaces the first not-true reaction.

Our first reactions are often negative. Our brains are wired to take in the outside world and scan for threats.

It is especially true for those of us with trauma histories that the “threat perception” center is very loud and can take some time to observe, question, and retell a new story that is much closer to the actual truth.

Know that it takes time to challenge automatic thoughts and provide another, truer response.

Also know that no matter how long it takes, it’s worth and it’s for you.

Repeat

Our brains are constantly taking in and filing new information everyday whether we are aware of it or not.

You may even have some solid self awareness already and anticipate that a certain situation will bring up a certain reaction in you (like seeing a beautiful person and thinking “I suck”), and you may need to confront this initial reaction each time it happens.

That’s normal, you’re human.

The more you affirm your own truth and observe and question your initial reaction the less powerful it becomes and the more quickly you can recognize and acknowledge your actual truth.

Real-Life Application

Now that you can see a glimpse of your own personal power in creating your truth, it’s time to run with it.

Take some time today to acknowledge what initial reactions you have to situations that pop up. Maybe the toast got burnt and your first reaction is, “Of course the toast got burnt. I always burn the toast.”

Observe this thought and give yourself time to question it.

Do you “always” burn the toast? Or is your brain comfortable with negative self talk and this is its go-to explanation?

If that’s the case, how can you introduce positive self talk or affirmations into your day (however unnatural it may seem at first) to start telling yourself a new story and increase the likelihood that your future initial reactions will lean more positively?

Or maybe you’re a unicorn and rarely experience any of the things I’m talking about. That is great and your brain is the brain I aspire to!

Take these reminders with you as you go about your day today:

Everything is neutral.

I have a role in what I accept as truth.

I have the power to tell myself a new truth.

I can change my brainspace to be a kinder place to hangout, one step at a time.

Yours in observation,

Emily Rose // Miss Magnolia

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